Ugh.
Photo Credit: Rusydi Rashid
My hair is killing me right now. I know it’s not popular to talk about this “dark side” of the natural hair life, but every now and again, I get in moods where I’m just so tired of my hair. Not tired with the texture or the fact that it’s natural, of course, but just tired of the fact that me and the ‘fro can’t see eye to eye. It’s like my hair is the restless girlfriend that wants to go out to dinner and be taken to fancy plays and I’m the annoyed boyfriend that would rather stay in to watch Monday Night Football and play Xbox with the guys. I don’t want to wine and dine my hair. I want to be selfish and spend less time with her and more time with my other interest. Yet, I’m still “in” to her. I do love her. And I want her to be in tip top shape as my “trophy” girlfriend. When we walk down the street together, I want to inspire jealously in everyone who dares to gaze upon her long strands and perfect shape. But she’s so high maintenance. Or is she? As radical as it is, I’m willing to test a crazy proposal…
…can I put less time in our relationship without us breaking up?
As I said before, I really do love my hair but for almost the last year it has been so finicky about what it needs. Like a heat wave in the middle of January, at first extreme dryness came upon my ends without much notice or warning. I compensated by slathering them with coconut oil, shea butter, or other moisturizing products, but a day or two would go by and I was back to the same dry, tangled mess. Perturbed by the tangles and my new-found propensity to attract single-strand knots, I buckled down and launched into a protective styling campaign by mainly wearing my hair in twists. This seemed to work for a while; in fact, I even experienced the length retention I was looking for by finally reaching “arm-pit length”. Then a strange thing happened: my ends were getting very, very raggedy.
My immediate reaction was “What?!? I’ve been wearing my hair in pulled back twists for months? How could my ends possibly be this bad?” But alas, my precious tips were sporting that very frayed look so I just bit the bullet and gave myself a trim. A few weeks later, however, I found myself needing to do it again. And again. Something was clearly going wrong here.
After monitoring my hair regimen very closely for one week, I noticed that when unraveling my twist to sport the customary twist-out that I normally rocked on the weekends, my hair was being split apart in almost a literal “ripping” fashion. I promise I was gentle and cognizant to baby my hair during the take down process, but no matter what I did this “ripping” phenomenon seemed to be unavoidable.
Looking for any remedy to the problem, I hypothesized that perhaps my ends just needed to be stretched as my hair got longer in order to avoid the tangling. Curly Nikki talks about stretched ends as an aid in her length retention so I definitely felt that was a good direction to go. And it was. Hauling out my trusty Gold n’ Hot dryer, magnetic rollers, and permed rods, for the past two weeks I’ve been experimenting with rollersets and perm rod/braidouts and my hair has definitely tangled less. I have enjoyed having my hair stretched not only because I can wear my hair bigger, but because I can now pull it back into a substantial bun/ponytail. Sounds great, right? Problem solved? Well, not exactly. You see, here’s the rub…
…I am lazy and impatient and I don’t like to spend a lot of time on my hair.
What?!?! Et tu, Brute Think & Grow Chick??? Yeah ya’ll, I said it. I don’t want to HAVE TO do a lot to my hair. (Unless I want to, of course.)
Mind you, I was under that dryer for only about 30 minutes but I really couldn’t stand to be under there for another second. And why should I? Like I’m sure many of you can relate, there are just too many responsibilities and things that I want to do that take up a lot of my time. For instance, how am I supposed to manage my new bookclub if I’m around fooling with my hair for hours everyday just because I’m natural? Does natural hair automatically equal a high maintenance relationship?
In theory, I know this to be *untrue* because I hear and read about many naturals who have these wonderful “5 minute” routines and their hair is long and fabulous. I literally have been combing the features on Curly Nikki and Black Girl Long Hair looking for naturals with 3c/4a hair (my texture) who are thriving on “set it and forget it” hair regimens. The underlying question that I’m not particularly thrilled to face, however, is whether or not I can realistically be low maintenance with my particular hair needs. I mean hey, my hair is naturally dry and likes to snarl up at the ends. As much as I want to be one of those carefree naturals, maybe I can’t given my goals for length retention?
Or maybe I can. In fact, I’m banking on it. I am literally going to start as the bottom of the “simple” scale with wash-and-go’s and work my way up until I hit the minimum amount of care needed to get the hair I want. Perhaps it is wishful thinking. But for now, my life and “fussy” hair are like oil and water. It’s just can’t seem to get them to mix.
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I’m sick of my hair too. I looked at pix from last
year and I realized that I’d lost about four inches of length due to what I call bad hair management. I have fine hair and it did much better in pony tails every day then it did with the twists I have become fond of rocking.
Trying sealing your ends with Shea butter and check out kimmaytube
“Bad Hair Management” I love that! What a great term! I have to agree, I can’t blame my hair woes solely on the fact that it is “fussy”. I can go days without even putting so much as a drop of oil in it, so it’s no wonder that we’re having “relationship issues”. Shea butter sounds good; I have a jar on my vanity but I don’t really use it that often. I have checked out kimmytube and do like her videos (I did an interview with her on this blog, you should check it out!) but I actually got the twisting routine from her. So I’m at a lost for other hairstyles to try. But I’m determined, so we’ll see what I end up with. :-/
I understand your pain. I love my hair but need to spend less time on it. For that reason, a cinnabun (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSSEGh5SbQc&feature=related) is my go-to style. It’s a cute, simple and most importantly quick style that keeps my ends moisturized and protected. I braid my hair to stretch it, seal my ends with shealoe and castor oil and style it into the bun. Every night, I spritz my hair and put on a satin scarf. I only do my hair once a week so it save lots of time. I think bunning may be a good styling option for you.
I agree that protective styling is the way to go. As you said, I think we forget that even with protective styles, we need to moisturize and seal on a regular basis. I am 3c/4a also (i guess, atleast 30% of my hair doesn’t have much of a curl pattern at all). And as much as I love wearing big, happy twist outs – I wasn’t retaining length and my hair was plateauing right around BSL. I’ve decided to bun for the fall and winter and already my hair is thriving. Every other night I put it in about 5 plaits and seal my ends. I put the plaits in a bun on top of my head and scarf it up. In the morning I take the plaits out – i don’t comb, brush, finger comb, nothing- and i put it in a bun or a pinned updo. I’ve noticed a major decrease in single strand knots and dry ends. Another thing you could experiment with is head scarves. Another great way to preserve and protect and keep that moisture in.
@GG GREAT suggestion! I don’t know why I never thought to leave the braid-out intact before putting it in a bun, but that is genius, lol. I’m seriously going to try it this week and see how it works out.
I’m a “set it and forget it” kind of person. I twist my hair and leave it in for like a week, then wear it out and repeat. While I love my twists because they are versatile and take less than an hour to do, I’ve learned it is easy to become complacent in that routine. Meaning, there are times when I wouldn’t add anything to my hair (water, leave-in, shea butter) and when it was time to take them out I wondered why my ends were so crispy! Alas, like GG mentioned, I have to add a little something to my hair almost daily. It’s so easy to not to want to lol but I’ve learned it’s completely necessary.
Also, during the time when my ends looked horrible, I also noticed it had something to do with my hair pins. I like to pin up my twists, for a look I can go to work and school with. But, the downside is that I was pinning my hair wrong! I used to stick the bobby pin THROUGH the ends of my twists (sometimes even scraping my scalp) and after seeing my ends tear up I stopped. Now, I fold my twists over one another and run the bobby pin cross the area I want secured versus drilling it through the area (if this makes sense). Changing this has helped me a bunch.
Lastly, when I wear my hair out after them being in twists for a week, I’ll rinse my hair with water, add a little leave-in, then roll the ends with perm rods. This leaves the ends of my hair stretched, however it’ll take a little foresight lol. I’m also going to try bunning for a quick ‘do!
Sounds like you’ve gotten some fantastic suggestions! I just wanted to comment on your writing–I adore the “trophy” girlfriend/annoyed boyfriend metaphor immensly and often feel the same way myself about my relationship with a lot of things–not just hair. Very well written.
Best. Analogy. EVER!
yeah, the split/frayed ends is why i (ironically) stopped doing “protective” styles. maybe i was doing it wrong, but i had to figure out what worked best for me. i found a low maintenance way to do wash and go’s and haven’t looked back, well if only to take notice of how my hair is flourishing. it’s growing/retaining length by leaps and bounds, even though i tend to be very lazy with it. keep with it, Court!
Sorry for posting twice! I accidentally typed the wrong web addy for myself. It’s time for me to upgrade to a domain name!
Great Post!
I get what you are saying about the dark side of natural hair. I love, love, love my hair, but sometimes I just want to take the scissors and chop it off in frustration.
I struggle with single strand knots that become huge knots over time. I have no idea how they form. I’ve been natural for three years, but I feel like I have not retained any length in the last year. So. Frustrating. I am clearly doing something wrong, but I don’t know what. And my hair is getting thinner. I already have fine hair, but my twists are just straight up anorexic!
Keep up the good work! I just found your site through the Happy Black Woman blog, and I’m lovin’ it!
Great writing. Have you considered it may be time for a protein treatment? I have the same popping problem and it is a reminder to me, that I need to do a protein treatment. In keeping with simple and budget friendly, I just use mayo and add my preferred oil at the moment. Apply, twist and sit with a cap for 30 mins and continue as usual. The results are immediate! (just be sure to thoroughly rinse out the mayonnaise)
Good luck!
@CG: I do a similar thing but I only braid my hair once a week and then style the braid out hair into an updo or bun. I make sure to seal my ends liberally and fold the hair over before pinninig it down to prevent breakage. I’m also really careful when taking the style down. I’ve seen good length retention and my ends are never dry.
I agree with Efe, if you plait your hair like Kimmay recommends you have a lot less damage and I never have single strand knots, I didn’t understand what you were going on about at first.
Plaits and protective styles equal healthy hair and length retention.
Nat.
Too much drama. Most women go through this at some point with their hair.
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